Learning To Trust God When He Gives, Takes, Then Gives Again

by Kristen Gilles

in Coping With Miscarriage/Stillbirth/Death

Those of you who follow us on Facebook or Twitter may have seen our exciting news posted in early April, just after we released our new worship album, Parker’s Mercy Brigade.  Here’s the news for anyone who missed it: the Lord has answered our prayers and given us another child! As I write this post today, I am 16 weeks pregnant and we are trusting the Lord to bring us to meet and know this child in early November.

Knowing that God alone rules my womb has continued to be a tremendous comfort to me as my enemy has launched a new line of assaults on my heart and mind since our second child was conceived.  My faith is still being tested as we wait in hope for the Sovereign Lord to do what He has determined to do.  I’m thankful for the reality that God alone has the right to rule everything, including my life and my womb and the life of this child now growing within my womb.

The Holy Spirit has been good to continuously remind me that I have nothing to fear and that it’s okay for me to rejoice in hope and faith, even now as we continue to wait for God to finish His good work in this pregnancy.  Bobby and I know, like many of you, what it is to make an announcement of expectant joy only to follow it up with an announcement of unexpected grief and loss.  These realities sober us and in some ways make us hesitant to fully celebrate the new life that God continues to give. 

But the Lord who has given and taken and given again, can always, always be trusted.  He does not fail. He cannot. He remains faithful, even when we doubt His goodness and ability to answer our cries. He does not waver even when we struggle to trust His sovereign rule and providential plan.  He is steadfast in pursuing us with goodness and mercy all the days of our lives.  So we trust Him and wait in hope for the Lord to finish the good work He’s begun in us. And we rejoice now, with eager hope in the Lord, knowing that those who hope in the Lord will never be disappointed.

While I was waiting for the Lord to open my womb again, the Holy Spirit invited me over and over again to pray for other women who were waiting for the Lord to answer their prayers for children.  The Lord was so gracious to invite me to exercise my faith on behalf of many families waiting to be with child and those already expecting to meet and know their children.  The Lord has answered and given children to almost all of those families and has brought forth many, many healthy babies (including our own nephew born in late April).  He’s done this through conception and through adoption, through natural birth and caesarean birth.  He has added over and over and over again.

Even still, in His goodness and wisdom, He continues to take and allow little ones to die.  Bobby and I have heard of many families who, in recent months, have lost their babies and are grieving in hope, just as we continue to do.  Our hearts are continuously broken even as we joyfully hope in the Lord who is able to comfort and restore perfectly, and will make all things new.

We are never without reason to bless the Lord who gives and takes and gives again.  In joy, in sorrow, in life and in death, we look to the Giver of Life, the Author and Perfecter of our Faith.  And we say continually, “Bless the Lord who gives and takes and gives again.”

“I praise Your name for Your unfailing love and faithfulness; for Your promises are backed by all the honor of Your name.  As soon as I pray, You answer me; You encourage me by giving me strength. … Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies. … The Lord will work out His plans for my life—for Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.” (Psalm 138)

“My heart rejoices in the Lord!  The Lord has made me strong.  Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because You rescued me.  No one is holy like the Lord!  There is no one besides You; there is no Rock like our God. … The childless woman now has seven children … The Lord gives both death and life; He brings some down to the grave but raises others up. … He lifts the poor from the dust and the needy from the garbage dump.  He sets them among princes, placing them in seats of honor.  For all the earth is the Lord’s and He has set the world in order.”  (2 Samuel 2 –Hannah’s Prayer of Praise)

Who can be compared with the Lord our God, who is enthroned on high? … He lifts the poor from the dust and the needy from the garbage dump.  He sets them among princes, even the princes of His own people!  He gives children to the woman who has none and makes her a happy mother.  Praise the Lord!”  (Psalm 113)

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.”  (Psalm 127:3)

“I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave.  The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!” (Job 1:21)

{ 1 comment }

Kirstie June 4, 2014 at 7:23 am

My parents lost 4 children before I was born. They told me how the first months of my life, they had such a hard time even believing that I was really alive. They would go into my room and just watch me to remind themselves that I was real.

When I told them your story, they reminded me again of the journey that they experienced. Yours sounds much like the one they took. During my mom’s pregnancy, my dad wrote me letters that I still have to this day. Letters of his fears and joys as they awaited my arrival. . . I consider them a huge treasure – especially now in my own journey of barrenness.

Thank you for sharing your story with the world. You are an amazing blessing to everyone that knows you!


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